On July 14, 2024, in my rental apartment in Beijing, I wrote my sophomore summary.
On August 17, 2024, at home in a small county in Chongqing, I wrote my sophomore summary.
I have been thinking for a long time, intermittently, and I should be able to finish it today.
New Attempts#
As I wrote in my blog, infinite possibilities. University means infinite possibilities, and life means infinite possibilities, which is what I believe in.
Compared to my freshman year, when I focused most of my energy on academics, in my sophomore year, I tried more new things that I was interested in.
Cycling
My memories of the first semester of sophomore year revolve around cycling. A long time ago, I watched a movie called Breaking Wind, which was my first exposure to road bikes. Watching the protagonist ride made me feel really cool and made me want to own one, and finally, in my sophomore year, I bought a bike.
The feeling of the wind blowing against me while cycling and the heart-pounding sensation on a slope was truly wonderful.
At that time, cycling became popular, and many people got into it. I met a lot of friends from school who also cycled. Throughout that semester, I would arrange to go cycling with others every day, and sometimes even skipped classes to do so. Every weekend, I looked forward to going on short rides with friends, and the greatest joy was climbing a mountain I had never climbed before. That was real happiness and freedom.
Walking is too slow, driving is too fast; cycling gave me the opportunity to see the scenery along the road that is often overlooked, which I cherish.
Running
I officially started running because I wanted to improve my aerobic capacity, as I felt it was lacking while cycling. From being taken by a friend to run five kilometers to participating in a ten-kilometer campus marathon, I gradually felt that running was quite interesting, so I began to take it seriously.
Since then, I planned to train for running continuously. At that time, my hair was relatively long, so I bought a baseball cap and would press my hair down with it every night before going to the track to run laps. Later, I also signed up for the Guiyang Marathon. Although I couldn't go due to a severe cold two days before the event, running gradually became a fixed part of my life.
Captured during cycling: Dusk + City + Couple
Compared to the second semester of sophomore year, I actually had a pretty happy first semester, working towards a goal or doing what I loved.
If I had to describe my second semester of sophomore year in one word, it would be "confused."
When I first entered school, even a year ago when I wrote my freshman summary, my goal was to find a job after graduating with my bachelor's degree. So for me at that time, preparing well and finding an internship during the summer break of sophomore year was a matter of course.
However, later interactions with some people made me waver in my thoughts about finding a job after my undergraduate studies. I began to consider graduate school or employment, and whether it was necessary to invest so much energy in finding an internship. Coupled with my lack of effort during the first semester, I started to doubt myself and whether I could find an internship.
I was very confused, and my schedule during that time was quite chaotic. That semester, I focused on memorizing algorithms, prepared to cycle from Chongqing to Chengdu for a week, watched online courses to learn cpp and operating systems for a while, and prepared for a marathon for a month.
Looking back at my second semester of sophomore year, it was rich but not colorful; I didn't play to my heart's content, and academically, I mostly just dabbled in certain areas.
Although I didn't gain much, I don't feel that this time was wasted. My only regret is that I didn't manage to find a balance.
Summer & Internship#
In my sophomore year, I let myself go, and I actually didn't have much hope for finding an internship. Unexpectedly, during a break in my final exam review, I casually applied to a company and received a reply. A half-hour phone call later, I had secured an internship.
On July 3, the day the final exams ended, I flew to Beijing, and on August 10, I completed the resignation process. Although I only stayed there for a little over a month, it changed my perspective on many things.
I had always heard about the overtime culture in internet companies and was quite averse to it. However, on my first day at work, I was told that the working hours were from 9 AM to 9 PM, alternating weeks.
The first two days at work, I felt a bit dazed. I lived far from the company, with a one-way commute of about an hour. I arrived at the subway station around 7:30 AM and got back to my rental apartment after 10 PM. When discussing the 996 work culture at school, I would complain about how it exploited employees' time to enjoy life, but when it actually happened to me, I didn't even have time to think about it.
After some consideration, I felt that this internship wouldn't allow me to gain the knowledge I wanted. Originally planned for three months, I shortened it to just over a month and resigned.
My first year of sophomore year was at least wasted on coding, and I found this internship largely due to good luck. So when I resigned, I didn't feel like I lost anything. In fact, I viewed this internship more as a trip, experiencing the real workplace and recognizing my shortcomings.
After the experience, I went back to consider my future and reflect on my skills.
Leaving work early on a Saturday, near the company
Inner Monologue#
I am a complex contradiction, yearning for unattainable places while also wanting the comfort and ease of the present.
Speaking of which, I started writing a blog because of the influence of the previous year's seniors. My initial goal was to follow in their footsteps, fantasizing about replicating their stories.
In my mind, there were beautiful fantasies, but in life, I only considered the comfort of the present, until I realized the distance was growing.
I began to comfort myself that every individual is different, with different experiences and life paths. Applying others' successful experiences to my own life and expecting to replicate them may not yield the same results.
From childhood to now, I have always been in the middle position, never the most dazzling. I have gradually begun to accept this middle positioning.
But no matter how I put it, it still feels like an excuse and an escape from my own laziness.
About the Future#
When I wrote my freshman summary a year ago, my outlook for the future was to prepare well and hope to find an internship. Now, as I am about to enter my junior year, I am faced with the choice of graduate school or employment. This is indeed the biggest crossroads I am currently facing.
I have a passion for computer science, but when I realized this, I was already being swept along towards employment.
Memorizing algorithms, doing coding exercises, reading interview experiences. Everything is considered in terms of cost-effectiveness, and at this point, going back to the basics of computer science or doing some interesting labs feels a bit inappropriate.
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Should I pursue a master's degree to gain more time for learning and engage in more interesting and valuable work?
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But actually, if I put in more effort, I should be able to find a decent job.
This is probably what I am struggling with.
When I read the blogs of seniors, I found that most of them have a study plan, even while working. This has inspired me a lot; perhaps I don't need to use the three years of graduate school as my learning time, but if I pursue a master's, I might have more time. Hmm, I'm back in the loop.
As for the choice between the two paths, it's still quite vague. But I hope that no matter what, I can continue learning and do things I want to do, whether it's interests or coding.
Looking forward to the new academic year, and I hope everything goes smoothly.